shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
