I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
