i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
