Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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