This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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