respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
