Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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