6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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