Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
