walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Randomize