I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
