Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize