i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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