4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
