did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize