and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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