he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i love accidental penises.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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