so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
