in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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