eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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