they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize