Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
