Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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