Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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