I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
