My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We left the knife in your bed.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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