Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
