that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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