remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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