oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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