dude i'm inner monologue high
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
