Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
