speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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