ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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