thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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