hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
