We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
