I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize