It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
