You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
