3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Someone shattered a urinal.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
