Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
