Walk of Shame. In a state park.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
