took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Randomize
