She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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