Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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