I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Acid is not a monday night drug
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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