at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
