that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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