FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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