So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
