I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
