apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
