We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
