Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
