if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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