If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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