this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I need to sanitize my soul.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
