We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
