My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
