direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize