Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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