we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
