we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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