Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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