You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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