it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
