this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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