One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
