I'm really into asian looking animals
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
