how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
