We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
