That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
