this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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