Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
