can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
